my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
