We won't sleep together?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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