My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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