i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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