What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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