I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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