There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize