I'm really into asian looking animals
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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