Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
