I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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