I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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