i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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