I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
