Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
