You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize