You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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