There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
even my farts smell like vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
