Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
