i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
