It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
