I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
