porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
