Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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