thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
