Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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