I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
