need another drink. this is the easiest way
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
