can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
