How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize