our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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