I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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