haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
