just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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