this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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