He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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