I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize