is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
