Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
