good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
