i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
