I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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