wanna go halves on a baby?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize