I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
