i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
