he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize