Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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