she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was born a porn star she said
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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