On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone signed my nipple.
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