im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
