I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
