somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
