I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
