get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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