he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
