saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
