Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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