Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.

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(269): View more from Michigan

You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

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(512): View more from Texas

Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

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(708): View more from Illinois

having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling

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(615): View more from Tennessee

it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

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(970): View more from Colorado

You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

what else are best friends for?

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(469): View more from Texas

If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.

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