if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
