I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
