So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
