last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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