that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so let's talk penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
