Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
