The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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