I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize