The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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